Night Hags by Richard Bell

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“She is…she really is…”
“What the…she’s not…”
“She is! She is definitely a CILF.”
“CILF?”
“Yes…Crone I’d like to…”
“Ok, dirtbag, you need to douse the fire down there and focus on the party.”
“The Golden Girls always did it for me.”
“You should call your cock Dracula.”
“Dracula?”
“Yes. Every time it rises there’s a coffin involved!”
“That’s dead funny. Let’s get the snacks in bowls and the kegs out of the van and set this place up with a Heff vibe!”
“Hey! Did you invite the goth girls from apartment five?”
“You mean the Fridges of Eastwick? No one’s ever got anywhere with them and the rumours are that they hunt after sundown and drink blood for real. Haven’t you noticed the town has no vagrants? I mean none…why?”
“Probably because of the Mayor’s ‘here’s fifty and a train ticket now move it’ policy. Have to say that they look like they should be in a Rob Zombie movie. Hot and creepy is not just the jungle at night!”
“Well I posted an invite through their door and I didn’t get it shoved in my face so I’m hopeful. I bought some vodka and tomato juice and they can have Bloody Mary drinks in the moonlight. Look, this building needs to rock and tonight it will do just that.”
“Right! Let’s get the playlist sorted and the bar set up and we can get the party started. What the…”
“It’s a bloody power cut! Can you believe it? Ok…we’ve got the candles in that box. Let’s get them lit and text everyone to bring torches.”
“Erm…you’re not going to believe it but my phone is dead and…yes…the home phone is too. The blackout must be an electro magnetic pulse or something? Everything is dead. Well,we’ve got candles, booze and…a knock at the door.”
“Hey, it’s the goth girls and everything behind them appears to be on fire. That’s normal…we might need the extinguisher from the kitchen. Can you whip up two Bloody Marys, please?”
“Do they want ice?”
“I’m thinking not as they appear to be on fire themselves but it seems to be a black flame and cold so…”
“Two Bloody Mary drinks and…”
“Where are we?”
“We’re in the bathroom. What happened?”
“I brought the drinks in and then…nothing. I blacked out.”
“I blacked out when they walked in. Where are they?”
“I can hear voices coming from the kitchen. Let’s go and see.”
“What are you doing, girls and what’s with the knives?”
“I think they want to kill us. Like I said, no vagrants in this town and now we know why.”
“Wait, if this is witchcraft then I can use my holy water from the vampire kit from Comicon, right?”
“It’s here in my pocket. I was going to impress them if they showed. Alright, girls, let’s see you melt like in the movies.”
“It’s working! They’re crawling behind the breakfast bar. What the…but how…they’re old hags?”
“I’m getting wood. Think I’ll have a wild night with a couple of CILF’s. Come and meet Dracula, girls!”
“More like WILF’s – witches I’d like to…we have to do somethi…”
“I’m feeling drowsy. I think they hexed us. We have to get out of…”
“Where are we?”
“Back in the bathroom.”
“Did I get some witch action?”
“Yes, I think we both did.”
“Are your pants gone?”
“Yes. Yours?”
“Yup!”
“What did they want from us?”
“I think they’re like the Praying Mantis. They screw then kill their mates.”
“But we’re still alive…so…we’re ok, right? Right? Right?”
“It’s too dark to tell…ha ha ha hu…”
“You still there? You still there…you sti…”

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Original written work by Richard Bell

Protected by The Freewill Writers Asylum Vaults since 2015

Protected by The Freewill Writers Asylum Vaults since 2015

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